a less than perfect morning

Very less than perfect.  Lately, mornings or I should say weekday mornings have been going very well.  Daddy leaves early before the boys are up (usually) and the boys and I have a routine that is working out quite nicely.  Alarm goes off at 530am....snooze....539am....snooze....and then I should be up....but more times than not...snooze.  I try to be up by 550 but 6am very latest.  And then the morning rush starts.

Jump in the shower, brush my teeth, down to get my coffee, feed Chrissy, let her out and get our lunches out and my breakfast...all to go.  I try my hardest to have this done the evening prior...but some mornings I'm left scrambling my eggs and grabbing some leftovers for lunch.  Fine.  Done.  Back upstairs to get ready....hoping I have something decent to wear to the office that isn't in need of ironing (don't do that or as little as possible...okay, another story).

Have YOU hit SNOOZE yet. Yep, I'm sure...but this is how it goes.  And then around 640ish, I head into Nicholas' room and very lovingly nudge him awake and offer for him to come snuggle in our bed for 5 or 10 minutes until he breaks into his regime.  We chat and he quite enjoys his moments of 'waking up'.  BT  (Breakfast Television) is always on and he likes to tell me how the weather  is going to be and how shitty the Leafs did.

I'm feeling now that I have wrote about this before and if I did, sorry.  As time goes by though, the boys get older and routines get easier.  Usually.

So, then it's off to wake Shaney up and almost always, the moment I open his door and turn his dim light on, he immediately says Hello Mommy.  And that just never fails to make me smile and my heart tug.  And so we continue the morning and he is usually quite cooperative.....although Shane is 2.  And Shane needs you to recognize and repeat each and every thing that he does and says.  Smiling again here.  BUT with rushed mornings and when he is 'off', wrinkles happen.  Mommy gets frustrated at times...and this morning was one of those mornings where Mommy became a little too frustrated.

And a perfectly wonderful morning, as they all are, just having this wonderful morning to have each and every day....I let myself lose myself in my idiotic frustration....and I behaved towards my son not in a proud way.  I raised my voice more than I should have, I lost myself in being just frustrated - towards my two year old. 

And in the end, after the raised voice....the frustration.....the taking away of his trains of the moment...all was fine.  My boy and I had deep hugs and smooches and even an understanding that how he was behaving was not acceptable...but I knew that I had 'lost it' and I had nothing but regret....and then tears as I drove to work. 

I talked to a friend about it...one who has been through all this years ago and was a single Mom at one time to three children.  She understood completely.  But even with the understanding still lies the guilt. 

And so tomorrow morning will be a new one.  And I will hopefully be a better Mom.

I do have to add though....through all this frenzy this morning, Nicholas just laid low and said to Shane a couple times that he should just stop because he is just making things worse.  My boy looking out for my other boy....his brother.